Kung Fu Panda

In the Valley of Peace, Po the Panda finds himself chosen as the Dragon Warrior despite the fact that he’s fat and a complete novice at Martial Arts.

PO	SHIFU
TIGRESS	TAI LUNG
MONKEY	MANTIS
VIPER	CRANE
OOGWAY	MR. PING
ZENG	COMMANDER VACHIR
GANG BOSS	K. G. SHAW
J.R. SHAW	AWED NINJA
SMITTEN BUNNY	GONG PIG AND GRATEFUL BUNNY
PIG PATRON	RHINO GUARD
BLIND GATOR	BUNNY MOM
PIG FAN	BUNNY FAN1
BUNNY FAN2

SCENE

MR. PING’S RESTAURANT. DREAM. RED LIGHTS.

PO:	(SITTING AT THE TABLE EATING) Legend tells of a legendary warrior whose Kung-Fu skills were the stuff of legend. He travelled the land in search of worthy foes.
ENTER ENEMY HIPPO:	I see you like to chew. Maybe you should chew on my fist!
PO:	The warrior said nothing for his mouth was full. Then he swallowed and then he spoke. Enough talk. Let’s fight! Shahshabooey… (HIPPO, PO, KICK, PUNCH). He was so deadly infact that his enemies would go blind from over exposure to pure awesomeness.
BUNNY FAN1:	(SITTING AT A TABLE) My eyes! He’s too awesome.
BUNNY FAN2:	And attractive.
BUNNY INN KEEPER:	How can we repay you?
PO:	There is no charge for awesomeness.
BUNNYFAN1, 2:	(ENTHRALLED) Ooh!
PO:	Kabooey! (ACTION. KUNG FU KICK, PUNCH) It mattered not how many foes he faced. They were no match for his bodacity. (ACTION. KUNG FU KICK, PUNCH) Never before had a Panda been so feared and so loved. Even the most heroic heroes in all of a China, the Furious Five, bowed in respect to this great master. (ENTER FURIOUS FIVE. BOW TO PO)
MONKEY:	We should hang out.
PO:	Agreed.
FURIOUS FIVE:	( BOW AND EXIT)
PO:	But hanging out would have to wait because when you’re facing the 10,000 demons of Demon Mountain, there’s only one thing that matters and that’s… (DARKNESS. LIGHTS COME ON. RESTAURANT IS EMPTY. PO SLEEPING IN THE BACK).
MR. PING:	(WORKING IN THE KITCHEN) Po! Get up! You’ll be late for work.
PO:	What? (YAWNS)
MR. PING:	Po get up!
PO:	(SLOWLY GETS UP)
MR. PING:	Po what are you doing back there?
PO:	Erm nothing.
MR. PING:	Po let’s go, you are late for work.
PO:	(PUTTING ON HIS APRON) Sorry dad.
MR. PING:	Sorry doesn’t make the noodles. What were you doing back there? All that noise.
PO:	Nothing. I just had a crazy dream.
MR. PING:	About what? What were you dreaming?
PO:	What was I…? I was dreaming about …erm… noodles.
MR. PING:	Noodles? You were really dreaming about noodles?
PO:	Erm yes, what else would I be dreaming about?
MR. PING:	My son, finally having the noodle dream! You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this moment. This is a sign, Po.
PO:	Erm... a sign of what?
MR. PING:	You are almost ready to be entrusted with the secret ingredients of my secret ingredient soup. Then you will fulfil your destiny and take over the restaurant. Just as I took it over from my father, who took it over from his father, who won it from a friend in a game of mah-jong.
PO:	Dad, dad. It was just a dream ha-ha.
MR. PING:	No, it was The Dream. We are noodle folk, broth runs through our veins.
PO:	But dad, didn’t you ever want to do something else? Something besides noodles?
MR. PING:	Actually, when I was young and crazy, I thought about running away and learning how to make Tofu.
PO:	So why didn’t you?
MR. PING:	Because it was a stupid dream. Can you imagine me making Tofu? (LAUGHS) Tofu. No! We all have our place in this world. Mine is here and yours is…
PO:	I know, it’s here.
MR. PING:	No it’s at tables 2, 5, 7 and 12. Service with a smile.
PO:	(BUMPING INTO GUESTS BETWEEN TABLES) Excuse me, pardon me, sorry!
PIG PATRON:	Watch it Po!
PO:	(BUMPING INTO BUNNY MOM AND TWO BABIES) Sorry. (SUCKING IN HIS BELLY) Suck it up! (BUMPING ANOTHER TABLE) Sorry, a thousand pardons. (A GONG IS HEARD) What? Master Oogway is choosing the Dragon Warrior! Today! (VERY EXCITED) Everyone! Everyone! Go! Get to the Jade Palace! One of the Five is going to get the Dragon Scroll! (TO CUSTOMER BUNNY) We’ve been waiting a thousand years for this! (TO PIG CUSTOMER) Take the bowl! (TAKING A CUSTOMER’S MONEY) This is the greatest day in Kung Fu history! Don’t worry about it. Just go! Go!
MR. PING:	Po! Where are you going?
PO:	To the Jade Palace.
MR. PING:	But you are forgetting your noodle cart. The whole valley will be there and you’ll sell noodles to all of them.
PO:	Selling noodles? But dad you know I was kind of thinking maybe I…
MR. PING:	(EAGERLY) Ya?
PO:	I was thinking maybe I… maybe…
MR. PING:	Uh-ha?
PO:	…could also sell the bean buns. They’re about to go bad.
MR. PING:	That’s my boy! I told you that dream was a sign.
PO:	Yeah, glad I had it. (CLOSE CURTAIN)

SCENE

JADE PALACE. TOURNAMENT GARDENS.

SHIFU:	(SEATED. PLAYING THE FLUTE)
FURIOUS FIVE:	(ENTER. ATTACK SHIFU INDIVIDUALLY. SHIFU DEFENDS HIMSELF).
SHIFU:	Well done students if you were trying to disappoint me. Tigress, you need more ferocity! Monkey, greater speed! Crane, height. Viper, subtlety! Mantis, …
ZENG:	Master Shifu.
SHIFU:	What?
ZENG:	It’s Master Oogway, he wants to see you.
ZENG, SHIFU:	(EXIT TOURNAMENT GARDENS. ENTER SECRET HALL OF WARRIORS)
SHIFU:	Master Oogway, you summoned me? Is something wrong?
OOGWAY:	Why must something be wrong for me to want to see my old friend?
SHIFU:	So nothing’s wrong?
OOGWAY:	Well I didn’t say that. I have had a vision, Tai Lung will return.
SHIFU:	That is impossible he is in prison.
OOGWAY:	Nothing is impossible.
SHIFU:	Zeng! Fly to Chor Ghom prison and tell them to double the guards, double their weapons, double everything! Tai Lung does not leave the prison!
ZENG:	Yes Master Shifu. (FLIES OFF IN A HURRY, BANGS INTO A PILLAR AND DROP A FEW FEATHERS.)
OOGWAY:	One often meets his destiny on the road he chooses to avoid it.
SHIFU:	We have to do something. We can’t let him march on the valley and take his revenge! He’ll, he’ll…
OOGWAY:	Your mind is like this water my friend. When it is agitated it is difficult to see but if you allow it to settle, the answer becomes clear.
SHIFU:	(LOOKING IN THE WATER, THEN LOOKING UP AT THE CEILING) The Dragon Scroll.
OOGWAY:	It is time.
SHIFU:	But who? Who is worthy enough to be trusted with the secret to limitless power? To become the Dragon Warrior?
OOGWAY:	I don’t know. (EXIT)
SHIFU, OOGWAY:	(RE-ENTER. TOURNEMENT GARDENS. FILLED WITH SPECTATORS)
SHIFU:	It’s a historic day, isn’t it Master Oogway?
OOGWAY:	Yes and one I feared I would not live to see. Are your students ready?
SHIFU:	Yes Master Oogway.
OOGWAY:	Now know this old friend. Whomever I choose will not only bring peace to the valley but also to you.
SHIFU:	Let the tournament begin!
SPECTATORS:	(ALL CHEERING.)

SCENE

OUTSIDE THE WALLS OF THE JADE PALACE. GATES.

PO:	Oh! Yeah! Finally made it. No wait! (GATES CLOSING) I’m coming, wait, wait! (GATES CLOSE) Ow! No! (BANGING ON THE GATES) Hey open the door! Let me in!
COMPARE PIG:	(VOICE HEARD) Citizens of the Valley of Peace, it is my great honour to present to you Tigress! (CROWD CHEERS) Viper! (CROWD CHEERS) Crane! (CROWD CHEERS) Monkey! (CROWD CHEERS) Mantis! (CROWD CHEERS) The Furious Five! (CROWD CHEERS)
PO:	(TRYING TO SCRAMBLE THE WALL. CHEERING FOR JOY) Yeah the Furious five. (TRIES TO SCRAMBLE THE GATE. FALLS) Ow!
COMPARE PIG:	(VOICE HEARD) Warriors prepare!
PO:	Wait! No! Oh Peaky hole.
COMPARE PIG:	(VOICE HEARD) Prepare for battle!
PO:	(WATCHING THROUGH THE PEEP HOLE IN THE GATE) Wow! The thousand tongues of fire. Wow! Look at that! (FALLS AGAIN) Ow!
COMPARE PIG:	(VOICE HEARD) And finally! Master Tigress! Believe me citizens, you have not seen anything yet.
PO:	I know! I know!
COMPARE PIG:	Master Tigress faces Iron Ox and his blades of death.
PO:	(CLIMBS A SMALL BAMBOO LADDER NEAR THE WALL AND FALLS INTO A CART OF FIRE CRACKERS) Ow!
SPECTATORS:	(CHEERING)
PO:	(TIES FIRE CRACKERS ALL AROUND HIS CHAIR, TIES HIMSELF TO THE CHAIR AND LIGHTS THE FIRE CRACKERS)

SCENE

JADE PALACE. TOURNAMENT GARDENS.

SPECTATORS:	(SILENT)
OOGWAY:	I sense the Dragon Warrior is amongst us.
FURIOUS FIVE:	(LINE UP)
SPECTATORS:	(CHEERING)
SHIFU:	Citizens of the Valley of Peace. Master Oogway will now choose the Dragon Warrior!
PO:	(ENTER. SHOUTING. FIRE CRACKERS GOING OFF. CRASH LANDS IN FRONT OF TIGRESS) Ow! What’s going on? Where am I? (SEES OOGWAY POINTING AT HIM.) What are you pointing? Oh! Ok sorry! I just wanted to see who the Dragon Warrior was.
OOGWAY:	How interesting.
TIGRESS:	Master are you pointing at me?
OOGWAY:	Him.
PO:	Who?
OOGWAY:	You.
PO:	Me?
OOGWAY:	The Universe has brought us the Dragon Warrior!
PO:	What?
SHIFU:	What?
MONKEY:	What?
SPECTATORS:	(CHEER)
SHIFU:	Stop! Wait! (ENTER CARRIAGE BEARERS)
DUCK GUARDS:	(TRYING TO RAISE PO INTO THE CARRIAGE)
SHIFU:	Master Oogway wait. That flabby Panda can’t possibly be the answer to our problems. You were about to point at Tigress and thing fell in front of her!  That was just an accident.
OOGWAY:	There are no accidents.
TIGRESS:	Forgive us Master Shifu, we have failed you.
SHIFU:	No! If the Panda has not quit by morning, then I will have failed you.
PO:	(PO EXIT ON CARRIAGE.)
SPECTATORS:	(CHEERING, JOYFUL. CURTAIN.)

SCENE

CHOR GHOM PRISON. RHINO GUARDS WITH SPEARS.

ZENG:	(ENTER. GUARDS SURROUND HIM WITH SPEARS POINTED AT HIM) Wait! I bring a message from Master Shifu.
COMM. VACHIR:	(ENTER. READING FROM A SCROLL) What? Double the guards? Extra precautions? Your Prison may not be adequate! You doubt my Prison security?
ZENG:	(FRIGHTENED) Absolutely not. Shifu does, I’m just the messenger.
COMM. VACHIR:	I’ll give you a message for your Master Shifu. Escape from Chor Ghom Prison is impossible! (THUMPS ZENG ON THE BACK. ZENG DROPS A FEATHER. TO GUARDS) Take us down. Deep in the bowels of the earth. (DARK. DIM RED LIGHT. TAI LUNG BOUND AND CHAINED). Behold Tai Lung. Impressive isn’t it?
ZENG:	Oh My! It’s very impressive. Very impressive.
COMM. VACHIR:	One way in. One way out. One thousand guards and one prisoner.
ZENG:	Except that prisoner is Tai Lung. (VOICE QUIVERS WITH FEAR)
COMM. VACHIR:	(MOVING CLOSE TO TAI LUNG)
ZENG:	I’m just going to wait right here.
COMM. VACHIR:	It’s nothing to worry about. It’s perfectly safe. (GURADS STANDING WITH CROSSBOW’S AT THE READY) Hey tough guy, did you hear? Oogway’s giving someone the Dragon Scroll and it’s not going to be you.
ZENG:	What are you doing? Don’t get him mad.
COMM. VACHIR:	What’s he going to do about it? I’ve got him completely immobilised. (STEPS HARD ON TAI LUNG’S TAIL. LAUGHS) Oh! Did I step on the little kitty’s tail? Oh!
ZENG:	I’m good. I’ve seen enough. I’ll tell Shifu he has nothing to worry about.
COMM. VACHIR:	No he doesn’t!
ZENG:	I’ll tell him that. Can we please go now?
COMM. VACH, ZENG:	(EXIT)
GUARDS:	(STANDING AT ATTENTION)
TAI LUNG:	(ZENG’S FEATHER FLOATS DOWN IN FRONT OF TAI LUNG. HE SWEEPS HIS TAIL OVER IT. STARTS TO MOVE.)
GUARDS:	Attack! Tai Lung is no more immobilised. Attention Guards! (CURTAINS)

SCENE

JADE PALACE. SECRET HALL OF WARRIORS.         

PO:	I think there’s been a slight mistake. Everyone seems to think that I’m… (GASPS. GETTING OFF THE CARRIAGE. RETREAT CARRIAGE BEARERS.) The Sacred Hall of Warriors! No way! Look at this place. Master Flying Rhinos Armour, with authentic battle damage. Oh! The Sword of Heroes! Said to be so sharp you can cut yourself just by looking… ow! (SUCKING HIS FINGER. GASPS) The Invisible Trident of Destiny! I’ve only seen paintings of that painting. No-o! Wo-ho-ho. The Legendary Urn of the Whispering Warriors, said to contain the souls of the entire Tenshu Army. (WHISPERING TO URN) Hello.
SHIFU:	(ENTER) Have you finished sightseeing?
PO:	(UNAWARE OF SHIFU’S PRESENCE. ANSWERS THE URN) Sorry I should have come to see you first.
SHIFU:	My patience is wearing thin!
PO:	(TO URN) Oh well, I mean it’s not like you are going anywhere.
SHIFU:	Would you turn around?
PO:	(TO URN) Sure. How do you get five thousand … Master Shifu! (STARTLED, KNOCKS THE URN TO FLOOR. URN SHATTERS. A SOFT MOURNFUL WAIL IS HEARD FROM THE URN) Someone broke that. But I’ll fix it. Do you have some glue? (SWEEPS URN BITS. ANOTHER SOFT WAIL HEARD)
SHIFU:	So you are the Legendary Warrior.
PO:	Erm, I guess so.
SHIFU:	Wrong! You are not the Dragon Warrior. You will never be the Dragon Warrior until you have learned the secret of the Dragon Scroll.
PO:	(LOOKING UP AT THE SCROLL TUCKED AWAY IN THE CEILING) Wo-h! So how does this work? Do you have a ladder or a trampoline or…
SHIFU:	You think it is that easy? I’ll just hand you the secret to limitless power? No!
PO:	I…
SHIFU:	One must first master the highest levels of Kung Fu and that is clearly impossible if that one is someone like you.
PO:	Someone like me?
SHIFU:	Yes look at you. This fat butt! Flabby arms! (WACKS BOTH AREAS WITH HIS STICK)
PO:	Ah! Ah!
SHIFU:	You are sensitive in the flabby parts and look at this belly.
PO:	Hey!
SHIFU:	And utter disregard for personal hygiene.
PO:	Now wait a minute. That’s a little uncalled for.
SHIFU:	Don’t stand so close. I can smell your breath.
PO:	(WAVING A FINGER AT SHIFU) Listen Oogway said I was …
SHIFU:	(GRABS PO’S FINGER)
PO:	(SCARED) Huh! The Wuxi Finger Hold, not the Wuxi Finger Hold.
SHIFU:	Oh! You know this hold?
PO:	Developed by Master Wuxi in the Third Dynasty. Yes. (NODS VIGOROUSLY)
SHIFU:	Then you must know what happens when I flex my pinkie?
PO:	No! No no no no no!
SHIFU:	No? You know the hardest part about this? The hardest part is cleaning up afterwards. Hm? Hm.
PO:	Okay ok take it easy.
SHIFU:	Now listen closely Panda. Oogway may have picked you but when I’m through with you, I promise you, you are going to wish he hadn’t. Are we clear?
PO:	Yeah, we’re clear, we’re so clear.
SHIFU:	Good. I can’t wait to get started. (CURTAIN)

SCENE

TRAINING ROOM. DORMITORY. FURIOUS FIVE PRACTICING THEIR KUNG FU USING TRAINING EQUIPMENT.

FURIOUS FIVE:	(IN TRAINING PRACTICE)
SHIFU:	Let’s begin.
PO:	Wait wait wait. What? Now!
SHIFU:	Yes, now unless you think the great Oogway was wrong and you are not the Dragon Warrior.
PO:	Oh ok. Well, I don’t know if I can do all those moves.
SHIFU:	(SCOFFS) Well, if we don’t try, we’ll never know, will we?
PO:	Yea, it’s just maybe we can find something more suited to my level.
SHIFU:	What level is that?
PO:	Well, you know, I’m not a master but let’s just start at zero. Level zero.
SHIFU:	No. there is no such thing as level zero.
PO:	Hey! Maybe I can start with that. (POINTING TO A FLOOR PUNCHING BAG)
SHIFU:	That! We use that for training children and propping the door open when it’s hot but if you insist. Go ahead Panda, show us what you can do.
PO:	Are they going to watch or should I wait till they get back to work or something?
SHIFU:	Hit it.
PO:	Ok, yeah, I just ate. So I’m still digesting. So my Kung Fu might not be as good as later on.
SHIFU:	Just hit it.
PO:	(TO PUNCHING MAN) Alright, what you got? You got nothing ‘because I got it right here. You picking on my friends? Get ready to feel thunder. I’m coming at you with crazy feet. (JOSTLING ABOUT) What you gonna do with crazy feet? Come on. I’m a blur. I’m a blur. You’ve never seen Bear Style. You’ve only seen Praying Mantis or Monkey Style or I could come at you Snikety-Snake.
SHIFU:	Would you hit it!
PO:	Alright, alright. (TAPS IT GENTLY)
SHIFU:	Why don’t you try again? A little harder.
PO:	(HITTING HARD) How’s that? (PUNCHING BAG REBOUNDS KNOCKING PO BACK) Ow that hurts! Feeling a little nauseas.
SHIFU:	This will be easier than I thought.
PO:	How did I do?
SHIFU:	There is now a level zero. (EXIT)
MONKEY:	There’s no words.
MANTIS:	No denying that!
TIGRESS:	I don’t understand what Maser Oogway was thinking. Poor guy’s just going to get himself killed.
CRANE:	He is so mighty the Dragon Warrior, fell out of the sky on a ball of fire!
MANTIS:	When he walks the very ground shakes!
TIGRESS:	One would think that Master Oogway would choose someone who actually knew Kung Fu.
CRANE	Yea! Or could atleast touch his toes.
MONKEY:	Or even see his toes.
FURIOUS FIVE:	(EXIT)
PO:	(TRIES TO SPOT HIS TOES AND FALLS OVER. CURTAIN.)

SCENE

PEACH TREE OF WISDOM. PO EATING PEACHES.

OOGWAY:	I see you have found the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom.
PO:	(MOUTH STUFFED WITH PEACHES) Oh! Is that what this is? Sorry, I thought it was just a regular peach tree.
OOGWAY:	I understand. You eat when you are upset.
PO:	(SWALLOWING) Upset? I’m not upset. What makes you think I am upset?
OOGWAY:	So why are you upset?
PO:	I probably sucked more today than anyone in the history of Kung Fu. In the history of China, in the history of sucking!
OOGWAY:	Probably.
PO:	The Five. You should have seen them, they totally hate me.
OOGWAY:	Totally.
PO:	How’s Shifu ever going to turn me into the Dragon Warrior? I mean, I’m not like the Five. I’ve got no claws, no wing and no venom. Even Mantis has those thingies. Ah-h! Maybe I should just quit and go back to making noodles.
OOGWAY:	Quit, don’t quit. Noodles, don’t noodles. You are too concerned with what was and what will be. There’s a saying. Yesterday is history, tomorrow’s a mystery but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present. Now go and practice. (EXIT PO)
SHIFU:	(ENTER) Master! Master! I have…, it’s, it’s very bad news.
OOGWAY:	Oh Shifu. There is just news. There is no good or bad.
SHIFU:	Master, your vision, your vision… was right. Tai Lung has broken out of prison. He’s on his way to the Valley of Peace.
OOGWAY:	That is bad news, if you do not believe that the Dragon Warrior can stop him.
SHIFU:	The panda? Master, the Panda is not the Dragon Warrior. He wasn’t even meant to be here! It was an accident.
OOGWAY:	There are no accidents.
SHIFU:	(SIGHING) yes I know, you’ve said that already, twice.
OOGWAY:	Well that was no accident either.
SHIFU:	Thrice.
OOGWAY:	My old friend, the Panda will never fulfil his destiny, nor you yours, until you let go of the illusion of control.
SHIFU:	Illusion?
OOGWAY:	Yes, look at this tree Shifu. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me, nor make it bear fruit before it’s time.
SHIFU:	But there are things we can control. (KICKING TREE. FRUIT FALLS. SHIFU CATCHES IT AND PALNTS IT IN THE GROUND) I can control where the fruit will fall and I can control where to plant the seed. That is no illusion master.
OOGWAY:	Ah yes! But no matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange but you will get a peach.
SHIFU:	But a peach cannot defeat Tai Lung (FRUSTRATION)
OOGWAY:	Maybe it can if you are willing to guide it. Nurture it. To believe in it.
SHIFU:	But how? How? I need your help Master.
OOGWAY:	No. You just need to believe. Promise me Shifu, promise me you will believe.
SHIFU:	I, I will try.
OOGWAY:	Hmm. Good. My time has come. You must continue your journey without me.
SHIFU:	What are you… wait! Master!
OOGWAY:	(GIVES SHIFU HIS STICK)
SHIFU:	You can’t leave me.
OOGWAY:	You must believe…
SHIFU:	Master!
OOGWAY:	(BLOWS AWAY IN THE WIND, PETALS AND LEAVES. CURTAIN)

SCENE

KITCHEN.

PO:	(COOKING FOR THE FURIOUS FIVE) Yea, so I’m like, fine you maybe a wolf, you maybe the scariest bandit in Haijin Province but you’re a lousy tipper.
CRANE:	Really? So how did you get out of there alive?
PO:	(SERVING THE FIVE SOUP BOWLS) I mean I didn’t actually say that, but I thought it in my mind. If he could read my mind he would be like, “what?” Order up! Hope you like it.
MANTIS:	This is really good!
PO:	No come on. You should try my dad’s secret ingredient soup. He actually knows the secret ingredient.
VIPER:	What are you talking about? This is amazing.
MONKEY:	Wow! You’re a really good cook. I wish my mouth was bigger. Tigress, you’ve got to try this.
TIGRESS:	Hmm. It is said that the Warrior Dragon can survive for a month at a time, on nothing but the dew of a single ginkgo leaf and the energy of the Universe.
PO:	I guess my body doesn’t know it’s the Dragon Warrior yet. I need a lot more than dew and Universe juice.
SHIFU:	(ENTER)
PO:	Master Shifu!
SHIFU:	Tai Lung has escaped from prison.
PO:	What?
SHIFU:	He’s coming for the Dragon Scroll and you are the only one who can stop him.
PO:	(STARTS LAUGHING) And here I am thinking you got no sense of humour. I’m going to stop Tai Lung. What! You are serious and I have to… Master Oogway will stop him, he did it before and he’ll do it again.
SHIFU:	Oogway cannot! Not anymore.
FURIOUS FIVE:	(GASP) Huh!
SHIFU:	Our only hope is the Dragon Warrior.
TIGRESS:	The Panda?
SHIFU:	Yes the Panda!
TIGRESS:	Master let us stop Tai Lung. This is what you’ve trained us for.
PO:	(EXITS UNNOTICED)
SHIFU:	No! It is not your destiny to defeat Tai Lung. It is his! Where’d he go?
TIGRESS:	Tai Lung is on his way here right now. Even if it takes him a hundred years to get here, how are you going to change that! into the Dragon Warrior? How?
SHIFU:	I don’t know, I don’t know.
TIGRESS:	That’s what I thought.
FURIOUS FIVE:	(EXIT CURTAIN)

SCENE

ROOF TOPS. FURIOUS FIVE TRAVELLING FAST.

VIPER:	Tigress!
TIGRESS:	Don’t try and stop me.
VIPER:	We are not trying to stop you. We’re coming with you.
MONKEY:	(THUMBS UP SIGNAL)

SCENE

KITCHEN. NEXT MORNING.

PO:	(WRECKING THE KITCHEN IN SEARCH OF SOMETHING TO EAT. ENTER SHIFU. SURVEYS THE DAMAGE OF HIGH CUPBOARDS. PO TRIES TO SPEAK WITH HIS MOUTH FULL OF FOOD)
SHIFU:	(ENTER. POLITELY) Oh no need to explain. I thought you might be monkey. He hides his almond cookies on the top shelf. (EXIT)
PO:	(CLAMBERS QUICKLY TO THE TOP SHELF IN THE POSITION OF A PERFECT SPLIT WHILE HE EATS COOKIES)
SHIFU:	(RE-ENTERS.)
PO:	Don’t tell monkey.
SHIFU:	Look at you.
PO:	Yea, I know, I disgust you.
SHIFU:	No! No-no, I mean, how did you get up there?
PO:	(CONTINUES EATING) I don’t know I guess… I was getting a cookie.
SHIFU:	Yet you are ten feet of the ground and have done a perfect split.
PO:	No this? This is just an accident.
SHIFU:	There are no accidents. Come with me.

SCENE

THE POOL OF SACRED TEARS. SHIFU MEDITATING.

PO:	(ENTER. EXHAUSTED) I know you are trying to be all mystical and Kung Fuey but could you atleast tell me where we are going?
SHIFU:	(MEDITATING)
PO:	(FLOPS DOWN TIRED) You dragged me all the way out here for a bath?
SHIFU:	Panda we do not wash our pits in the Pool of Sacred Tears.
PO:	The Pool of…
SHIFU:	This is where Oogway unravelled the mysteries of harmony and focus. This is the birthplace of Kung Fu.
PO:	(GASPS) Huh!
SHIFU:	Do you want to learn Kung Fu?
PO:	Yeah!
SHIFU:	Then I am your Master.
PO:	Okay. (SNIFFS WITH HAPPINESS)
SHIFU:	Don’t cry.
PO:	Okay (HOLDING BACK TEARS OF JOY)
SHIFU:	When you focus on Kung Fu, when you concentrate, you stink. But perhaps that is my fault. I cannot train you the way I have trained the Five. I now see that the way to get through to you is with this. (HOLDS UP A BOWL OF DUMPLINGS)
PO:	Oh! Great because I’m hungry.
SHIFU:	(LAUGHING) Good. When you have been trained, you may eat. Now let us begin.
PO:	(SIT UPS, DODGING THE STICK, PUSH UPS, BALANCING BOWLS ON HEAD, HANDS AND FEET. ACTION SEQ WITH SHIFU OF KUNG FU MOVES.)
PO, SHIFU:	(SIT DOWN TO REST AND EAT)
SHIFU:	After you Panda.
PO:	Just like that? No sit-ups? No ten mile hike?
SHIFU:	I vowed to train you and you have been trained. You are free to eat. Enjoy.
PO:	I’m not hungry, Master. (BOTH BOW TO EACH OTHER. CURTAIN)

SCENE

JADE PALACE. TOURNAMENT GARDENS.

PO:	(ENTER) Done well? Done well? I’ve done awesome!
SHIFU:	The mark of a true hero is humility but yes, you have done, awesome.
FURIOUS FIVE:	(COLLAPSING ONTO STAGE)
PO:	Guys, guys? They’re dead! No they’re breathing. They’re asleep? No their eyes are open.
SHIFU:	(ATTENDING TO CRANE. RELIEVEING NERVE ATTACK)
CRANE:	We were no match for his nerve attack.
SHIFU:	(ATTENDING TO MONKEY)
MONKEY:	He’s too fast! Sorry Po.
SHIFU:	(ATTENDING TO TIGRESS)
TIGRESS:	I thought we could stop him.
SHIFU:	(ATTENDING TO MANTIS) He could have killed you.
CRANE:	Why didn’t he?
SHIFU:	So you could come back and strike fear into our hearts but it won’t work.
PO:	It might. I mean a little. I’m pretty scared.
SHIFU:	You can defeat him Panda!
PO:	Are you kidding? If they can’t. They are five Masters. I’m just one me.
SHIFU:	But you will have the one thing that no one else does. (CURTAIN)

SCENE

SECRET HALL OF WARRIORS.

PO:	You really believe I’m ready?
SHIFU:	(USING OOGWAY’S STICK TO BRING DOWN THE DRAGON SCROLL) You are, Po. Behold the Dragon Scroll it is yours.
PO:	Wait. What happens when I read it?
SHIFU:	No one knows but legend says you will be able to hear a butterfly’s wing beat.
PO:	Wo-h really? That’s cool.
SHIFU:	Yeah. Yes and you can see light in the deepest cave. You will feel the universe in motion around you.
PO:	Wow! Can I punch through walls? Can I do a quadruple back flip?
SHIFU:	Focus. Focus.
PO:	Oh yeah, yeah.
SHIFU:	Open it Po and fulfil your destiny. Read it and become the Dragon Warrior.
PO:	(STRUGGLES TO OPEN THE SCROLL. GRUNTS AND HEAVES) Okay, come on baby. Come on now.
SHIFU:	(HOLDS OUT HIS HAND AND RECEIVES SCROLL FROM PO. OPENS IT EASILY AND HANDS IT BACK)
PO:	Thank you. I probably loosened it up for you though. Okay, here goes. (SUSPENSE. UNROLLS SCROLL) Uh! Ha. It’s blank!
SHIFU:	What?
PO:	There look.
SHIFU:	No! I am forbidden to look upon… (SNATCHES THE SCROLL FROM PO. STUDIES IT) Blank. I don’t… I don’t understand.
PO:	Okay. So like, Oogway was just a crazy old turtle after all.
SHIFU:	No! Oogway was wiser than us all.
PO:	Oh come on! Face it. He even picked me by accident. Ofcourse I’m not the Dragon Warrior. Who am I kidding?
TIGRESS:	Who will stop Tai lung?
CRANE:	He will destroy everything and everyone.
SHIFU:	No. Evacuate the valley. You must protect the villagers from Tai Lung’s rage.
VIPER:	What about you master?
SHIFU:	I will fight him.
PO:	What?
SHIFU:	I can hold him off long enough for everyone to escape.
PO:	But Shifu he’ll kill you.
SHIFU:	Then I will have finally paid for my mistake. Listen to me all of you. It is time for you to continue your journey without me. I am very proud to have been your master. (ALL BOW. EXIT SHIFU)
VIPER:	According to legend, there was once a time when master Shifu actually used to smile but that was before.
PO:	Before what?
MANTIS:	Before Tai Lung.
CRANE:	We’re not really supposed to talk about him.
TIGRESS:	Well he needs to know.
PO:	Guys guys! I know about Tai Lung. He was a student. The first ever to master the thousand scrolls of Kung Fu and then he turned bad and now he’s broken out of jail.
MONKEY:	He wasn’t just a student. Shifu found him as a cub, he raised him as his own and when the boy showed talent in Kung Fu…
VIPER:	…Shifu trained him. He believed in him. He told him he was destined for greatness.
MANTIS:	It was never enough for Tai Lung. He wanted the Dragon Scroll but Oogway saw darkness in his heart and refused.
CRANE:	Outrage, Tai Lung laid waste to the valley.
TIGRESS:	He tried to take the scroll by force…
MONKEY:	…and Shifu had to destroy what he had created.
MANTIS:	But how could he.
VIPER:	Oogway stopped him with the nerve grip.
CRANE:	Shifu loved Tai Lung like he had never loved anything before or since.
TIGRESS:	And now Shifu had a chance to make things right. To train the true Dragon Warrior but he is stuck with you. A big fat Panda who treats it like a joke.
MONKEY:	We’ve got to get the villagers out safely.
TIGRESS:	Viper, gather the southern farmers. Mantis, the North. Crane, light the way.

SCENE

RESTAURANT. PEOPLE LEAVING THE VILLAGE.

PIG PATRON:	Look it’s the Dragon Warrior.
PO:	Hey dad.
MR. PING:	(HUGGING PO) Po! Good to have you back son.
PO:	Good to be back.
MR. PING:	Let’s go Po. (PULLING CART BEHIND THEM) So for our next stop, it’s time to face it, the future of noodles is dice cut vegetables. No longer slices. Also I was thinking, maybe this time we’ll have a kitchen you can actually stand up in, you like that?
PO:	(SILENT. FALLEN BEHIND)
MR. PING:	Po I’m sorry things didn’t work out. It just wasn’t meant to be. Po, forget everything else, your destiny awaits. We are noodle folk and broth runs deep through our veins.
PO:	I don’t know Dad. Honestly, sometimes I can’t believe I’m your son.
MR. PING:	Po, I think it’s time I told you something I should have told you a long time ago.
PO:	Okay.
MR. PING:	The secret ingredient of my secret ingredient soup.
PO:	Oh.
MR. PING:	Come here, the secret ingredient is, nothing.
PO:	Huh?
MR. PING:	You heard me. Nothing. There is no secret ingredient!
PO:	Wait, wait. It’s just plain old noodle soup? You don’t add some kind of special sauce or something?
MR. PING:	Don’t have to. To make something special, you just have to believe it’s special.
PO:	(PULLS OUT THE SCROLL AND LOOKS AT HIS REFLECTION) There is no secret ingredient!

SCENE

THE SECRET HALL OF WARRIORS.

THUNDER, LIGHTENING:	(SOUNDS HEARD)
TAI LUNG:	I have come home Master.
SHIFU:	This is no longer your home and I am no longer your master.
TAI LUNG:	Yes, you have a new favourite. So where is this Po? Did I scare him off?
SHIFU:	This battle is between you and me.
TAI LUNG:	So that’s how it’s going to be?
SHIFU:	That is how it must be.
TAI LUNG:	(SPRINGS ON SHIFU. SHIFU DODGES BY RETREATING. TAI LUNG THROWS THE DOOR AT HIM. SHIFU DODGES AGAIN.) I rotted in jail for twenty years because of your weakness.
SHIFU:	Obeying your Master is not weakness.
TAI LUNG:	You knew I was the Dragon Warrior. You always knew but when Oogway said otherwise, what did you do? What did you do! Nothing.
SHIFU:	You were not meant to be the Dragon Warrior! That was not my fault.
TAI LUNG:	Not your fault? Who denied me my destiny? (FLINGING SPEARS AT SHIFU)
SHIFU:	It was never my decision to make!
TAI LUNG:	It is now. (GRABS OOGWAY’S STICK OFF THE WALL AND PINS SHIFU TO THE GROUND WITH IT) Give me the Scroll!
SHIFU:	I would rather die.
TAI LUNG:	(CHOKING HIM) All I ever did, I did to make you proud. Tell me how proud you are Shifu! Tell me. Tell me!
SHIFU:	(CHOKING) I have… I have always been proud of you. From the first moment I have been proud of you and it was my pride that blinded me. I loved you too much to see what you were becoming, what I was turning you into. I’m… I’m sorry.
TAI LUNG:	(LONG PAUSE. TIGHTENS HIS CHOKE HOLD ON SHIFU) I don’t want your apology, I want my scroll! What? Where is it? (SEES THE SCROLL’S NOT THERE)
SHIFU:	Dragon Warrior has taken the scroll halfway across China by now. You will never see that scroll, Tai Lung. Never.
TAI LUNG:	(ABOUT TO STRIKE SHIFU. ENTER PO)
PO:	Hey! (BREATHING HEAVY. DOUBLED OVER. HUFFING) Stairs…
TAI LUNG:	Who are you?
PO:	Buddy, I am the Dragon Warrior. Argh… (CONTINUES GASPING FOR AIR)
TAI LUNG:	You! (TO SHIFU) him. Him? He’ a Panda. You’re a Panda. What are you going to do big guy? Sit on me?
PO:	Don’t’ tempt me. (LAUGHS. RECOVERING HIS BREATH) No. I’m going to use this. Ah-ha! (TAKES OUT THE SCROLL) You want it? Come and get it.
TAI LUNG:	(PUNCHES PO. THE SCROLL FALLS. TAI LUNG GRABS IT)
PO:	(BOUNCES BACK ON TAI LUNG FROM BEING PUNCHED. TAI LUNG DROPS THE SCROLL. PO CATCHES IT) Ha-ha. (STRIKES A KUNG FU STANCE)
TAI LUNG:	(CHARGES PO, PO BOUNCES OFF IN HIM AND LANDS ON HIM WINDING HIM) Oh no!!!
PO:	(TAKING BACK THE SCROLL)
TAI LUNG:	The scroll has given him power. (PUSHES PO OFF HIM. PUNCHES AND KICKS PO. PO FALLS DOWN. SHIFU PICKS UP THE SCROLL. TAI LUNG SNATCHES THE SCROLL FROM SHIFU AND OPENING IT) Finally, oh yes! The power of the Dragon Scroll is mine! It’s nothing!
PO:	(GETTING UP) It’s ok. I didn’t get it the first time either.
TAI LUNG:	What?
PO:	There is no secret ingredient. It’s just you.
TAI LUNG:	(DROPS THE SCROLL AND ATTACKS PO IN A RAGE TRYING TO NERVE BLOCK HIM. PO FINDS IT TICKLISH)
PO:	Stop it. (LAUGHS. TAI LUNG TRIES AGAIN) No! Please! (LAUGHS. TAI LUNG TRIES AGAIN)
TAI LUNG:	You can’t defeat me, you’re just a big fat Panda!
PO:	(GRABBING TAI LUNG’S FINGER) I’m not a big fat Panda, I’m The Big Fat Panda.
TAI LUNG:	The Wuxi finger hold!
PO:	Oh, you know this hold?
TAI LUNG:	You’re bluffing, you’re bluffing. Shifu didn’t teach you that.
PO:	Nope, I figured it out. Skadoosh… (FLEXES HIS PINKY)
TAI LUNG:	(COLLAPSES TO THE FLOOR)
VILLAGERS:	(ENTER. CHEER.)
FURIOUS FIVE:	(ENTER. CHEER)
MR. PING:	That’s my boy! That Big Lovely Kung Fu Warrior is my son!
PO:	Dad! (HUG) Thanks Dad.
FURIOUS FIVE:	(ALL BOW TO PO) Master.
PO:	Master? Mater Shifu!
SHIFU:	(LYING WOUNDED ON THE FLOOR)
PO:	Master Shifu, Master Shifu, are you okay?
SHIFU:	Po, you are alive. Or we’re both dead.
PO:	No master, I didn’t die. I defeated Tai Lung.
SHIFU:	You did! Wow. It is as Oogway foretold. You are the Dragon Warrior. You have brought Peace to the Valley and to me. Thank you.
ALL:	(CHEER. MUSIC) Everybody is Kung Fu fighting Your mind becomes as fast as lightening Although your future is a little bit frightening It’s the book of your life that you’re writing Everybody is kung Fu fighting Your mind becomes as fast as lightening Although the future is a little bit frightening It’s the book of your life that you’re writing You’re a natural Why is that so hard to see? Maybe it’s just because You keep on looking at me The journey’s a lonely one So much more than we know But sometimes you’ve got to go And be your own hero Everybody is kung Fu….. You’re a diamond in the rough A brilliant ball of clay You could be a work of art If you just go all the way Now what would it take to break? I believe that you can bend Not only do you have to fight but you have got to win. (CURTAIN)